Gimme Danger
by Linz005
Summary: AU: Paige imagined an amazing night and got more than she bargained for. She flirted with danger, but didn't deserve what happened. Paige takes a very different route in dealing with her rape. ~COMPLETE~
1. Night of Terror

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters from it.Any you don't recognize belong to me!! The title is also the name of an Iggy Pop song so I don't own that either. Summary: AU: Paige chooses a different route in dealing with her rape. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Paige screamed the word no over and over again, but no one not even Dean could hear her pleas. She didn't want this.She hadn't asked for it...These thoughts ran through her mind on a constant loop through the pain. She never imagined that she could feel this kind of pain. His forcefulness mixed with the fact that she was a virgin only made it hurt worse. This was not what she had imagined in any of her dreams of this moment.  
When it was over, the pain was only beginning. Dean had hurt her so badly that Paige wasn't even sure if she was going to be able to get up and walk not that Dean was allowing it. He didn't want her to leave while everyone was down stairs. He made her lie there while he watched people leave the party. Around two o'clock the last of the kids were leaving. Now he had to get Paige out before his friend found him with her.  
"Get up, Spirit!" He shouted in a whisper. "Now!" His voice got a little louder.  
"I can't.I don't think I can." Her voice cracked as fresh tears filled her eyes. Dean grabbed her arm and pulled her up to her feet. Paige felt like her knees wouldn't lock. There was blood on the sheets and Paige's skirt.  
"Damnit!" Dean swore. Paige was shaking all over and every time he spoke she jumped a mile. He tore the sheets off of the bed and put them in a trash bag. He closed the bag and took it with him as he pulled Paige down the stairs. He tossed the trash bag in a can outside. His friend would never even know that he had been in that room.  
"Please, I have to sit down. I don't think I can walk." The physical pain mixed with her emotional distress made every step agony. She felt as if she were going to be physically ill as well. Dean let go of her arm. The sudden lack of pressure only upset her equilibrium further and she fell onto the sidewalk.  
"Look, we had fun. That's what you'll tell everyone. You understand?" Paige was practically sobbing. They still weren't far from the house. "Remember, you wanted this! You were begging me for it. No one will believe you." Dean walked away leaving Paige a broken mess on the sidewalk.  
She tried to pull herself together. It was two-thirty and her curfew was one. She had to call her mother, but she couldn't tell her what happened not now, not ever. Paige's mother could never know that her daughter was a slut. She took out her cell phone and made the call.  
"Hi Mom."  
"Paige, where are you?" Her mother's voice was angry, but more concerned than anything.  
"I'm sorry. The party was just so much fun that I lost all track of time. Would it be alright if I slept at Hazel's tonight? Her house is closer and it's so late."  
"Alright, but this doesn't mean that your breaking curfew will go unpunished." Paige agreed, but somehow she felt as though she had been punished enough. She pulled her thoughts together and took a deep breath so that she could think clearly. They had taught about this kind of thing in health class, but she hadn't paid that much attention. She had to go see a doctor. There was a clinic not far from where she was. She just had to cut through the park.  
As she walked her painful steps, thoughts of all the things that could happen ran through her head. What if he had an STD? What if she was pregnant? She knew that he had used a condom, but they didn't work a hundred percent of the time. She didn't know what she would do if she were pregnant. She was losing more and more control with every passing second. Paige sat down on a park bench half way across the park. She was freezing despite the warm temperature. She wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm sorry! It's all my fault!" She screamed to the sky.  
Paige waited in the clinic's waiting room for almost an hour. She felt so dirty. She just wanted to go home and take a shower. She didn't know what she was going to tell the doctor. She couldn't tell the truth and she couldn't tell who she was. She didn't want anyone to know. It was bad enough that she felt as though everyone knew what kind of slut she was just by looking at her. She took the form she was supposed to fill out and lied.  
"Hello, Paige Michal." So it wasn't a complete lie. She gave him her first name, half of her last name, and a fake address.  
"Hi."  
"What happened?"  
"Um.I slept with my boyfriend for the first time, but he just told me he didn't use a condom." She took a breath. "I just wanted to make sure I didn't have anything and wasn't pregnant." The doctor looked at her skeptically. Luckily, she didn't notice the blood on her skirt since she was wearing a hospital style gown. "Well, it's too soon to tell if you have any of these things, but you can come back in a couple of weeks. And take this." She handed her a pill. "We usually give it to rape victims in case of pregnancy. I want to examine you."  
"I.Look." Paige began to get up to leave.  
"Listen, I know you're lying. I bet you gave me a fake name and number as well. I've seen enough rape victims to know when one is lying. You don't want your parents to know right?" Paige pressed her eyes closed trying to get rid of the tears and she shook her head in the affirmative. "Don't you want to press charges?"  
"No, I want to go back and do something different!"  
"I'm supposed to tell them, but if you change your age on this sheet so that it says your 18 then you'll just be another kid who lied. Also, if I report that a girl named Paige Michal whose 18 came in who lives at this address I won't be in trouble. Now tell me the truth."  
"I said no.He wore a condom, but what if it didn't work?"  
"STD's and pregnancy are bad, but the chances are slim with a condom. There is much more damage he can do. We're you a virgin?" She nodded. "Did you bleed?"  
"Yeah, it was on my skirt and the sheets."  
"Are you in any pain?"  
"A lot."  
"Pain and bleeding aren't uncommon considering you were a virgin, but I still want to examine you." Paige spent the night in the clinic being examined. "It could be worse, but it's still pretty bad. Nothing that will do any permanent damage. Just rest and you'll be alright. If you're still worried about pregnancy here's a pamphlet about signs of pregnancy. Cramping and morning sickness are at the top. Come back in in a few weeks or in a month for other tests and I'll pretend I don't know you." Paige got dressed and headed home. 


	2. Morning After

A/N: So I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter. I was going to make empty threats about no new chapters without any reviews, but we know I won't hold up to that, but I still would like some reviews!!!! Also, I don't know Paige's whole family tree so some names may be made up as chapters progress. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Paige got home at eight o'clock in the morning. She had planned it just right so that her mother would have already left for work. She walked in the back door and headed directly toward the stairs. She got almost half- way up when her mother began to call her.  
"Paige? Is that you?"  
"Mom, I didn't think that you would be home. Why aren't you at work?" Paige hoped she hadn't stayed home just to yell at her for not being home on time or calling before curfew.  
"Well, I needed to talk to you, but I didn't expect you to be here so early? Why did you come home so early this morning?"  
  
"Oh, Hazel had to go out this morning. So why are you home? I thought that you were on vacation next week, the same as me." Her mother looked away.  
"That's what I had to talk to you about. They need me to go to Montreal for two weeks. I leave tomorrow." Paige was upset, but suddenly there were much bigger things in her life. "I thought to make it up to you I would only punish you for today for not calling by curfew and by punishment I mean take you shopping all day, on me." Paige tried to smile, but couldn't. "Honey, is something wrong? You look like you haven't slept all night." Paige decided that she had to force a smile.  
"Well, Mom, you remember sleepovers? We were up all night. Ya know girl talk and all. Can I take a shower and get changed?" Her mother laughed about the sleepovers remembering carefree times that she had had with her friends not knowing what Paige had really been through.  
"Of course, go ahead." Paige walked up the stairs carefully so as not to draw attention to her skirt. If her mother saw her skirt which had not only blood on it, but was also torn she would know something had happened. She took off the outfit and threw it in her trash can in an empty bag. She closed the bag and heaved it into the back of her closet where she would never have to see it again.  
She got in the shower, but knew that it wouldn't matter. No shower for any length of time at any temperature would ever make her feel clean again. She collapsed onto the cool marble of the shower crying quietly. She knew though that she had to hurry or her mother would wonder what was wrong. Paige wrapped herself tightly afraid to look at her body. She almost ran back to her room. When she got there she looked at herself in the mirror with much effort.  
Her arms had dark bruises on them already. One could almost see the outline of his fingers where he had held her down. Her neck also had dark marks on it from where he had kissed her so violently. Her legs had marks on them from trying to push his much stronger, larger frame off of her. Paige had to find an outfit that would cover all of the marks he had left, though nothing could cover the internal scars. Despite the warm, spring weather, Paige put on a long, sleeved turtleneck and flared jeans. She also had to cover the dark circles under her eyes so she put on a lot of make up. She took a final look in the mirror. She looked like the Paige she had been only twenty four hours before.  
Paige went back down the stairs to where her mother waited. "Honey, are you sure that you're up to this?" Paige nodded with another forced smile. They walked around all the stores in the center of town. Paige couldn't not think about Dean. If she closed her eyes she saw him vividly behind her eyelids. She heard his voice every time a guy would start talking. She couldn't focus on anything. She just wanted to climb into bed and stay there. Paige went to her favorite restaurant with her mother for lunch, but just the thought of eating made her stomach turn.  
Paige barely touched her lunch. Her mother asked her again if she were alright and Paige just made another excuse about how they had eaten so much at Hazel's that she just still wasn't very hungry. They went home afterwards. Paige bought some outfits just to stop her mother from asking what was wrong. She looked at them when she was in her room. She tried them on again and thought that they made her look like a slut like all of her clothes. No wonder Dean had done what he did to her (she still couldn't say the word).  
Paige climbed into her bed and pulled the comforter up to her neck. Even though it was hot and she was wearing wintry clothes she felt chilled to the bone. She couldn't get warm. It was as if her blood had frozen in her veins the second that Dean had touched her. Paige had thought about her first time so many times, but never had she even had a nightmare in which it happened like this. She didn't know anyone real that had been raped just people from television shows and girls who told their stories in teen magazines. She began to cry, "It happens to other people.not to me." Her make-up began to streak her face.  
Fatigue took over after about an hour and as frightened she was to close her eyes she could no longer keep them opened. She had her first of many nightmares. Dean came back to Degrassi. He reassured all her fears about how this was all her fault for leading him on and being who she was. She must have been talking in her sleep because her mother came in and had to practically shake her awake. Paige thrashed against her mother thinking that she was Dean.  
"Paige! Paige! It's me! It's just your mother!" Paige opened her eyes with fresh tears filling them to the rims. "Please tell me what's wrong? This isn't like you. Why have you been crying?"  
"Nothing's wrong. I just had a very real nightmare. I was just scared." Her mother comforted her putting her arms around her. She kissed her forehead.  
  
"Did something happen last night?"  
"No. I would tell you if it did." Or if I could, Paige added silently. 


	3. Poor Thing

A/N: This chapter is going to run a little (not exactly the same, but similar.) like the story really went, but it won't stay this way. I promise.Thanx anyone who reviewed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paige slept restlessly that night. No matter how tired she got she could only see Dean. Every dream was a nightmare about the previous night. In the morning, she tried to make herself look pretty like she used to, but she just felt so ugly. She took a deep breath and went down stairs to meet her mom. She was going to go with her to the airport and say goodbye.  
"Paige, sweetie? Are you sure that you're feeling alright?" Paige nodded sullenly. "Because I would hate for me to leave while you're getting sick?"  
  
"No, Mom. Really. I'm fine. Better than fine." Her mother kissed her goodbye and headed for the gate. "Mom," Paige shouted after her in a burst of guilt wanting to tell her mother everything and have her mother run over and hug her, but then Paige pictured her mother calling her a slut in front of all these people and disowning her. "I love you."  
Paige took a cab home. She was still aching all over and she couldn't focus so she didn't want to walk all the way home even though it wasn't that far. She still felt like curling up in a ball and crying, but there was a message on her cell phone from Hazel. "Hey Paige, missed you after the party. I guess you and Dean were having fun. Call me." Paige deleted the message. Yeah, she had had so much fun with Dean. She dialed Hazel's number anyway.  
"Hey, Haze. What's up?"  
"Nothing really. I just wanted to hear all about Dean." She sounded like such a giggly teenager right now.  
"Nothing happened!" Paige snapped. "Dean turned out not to be so cool. The party was lame I left like a minute after we went upstairs. I went home and went to bed. That was actually better than that stupid party."  
"Geez. Sorry I asked." They talked about other things, but Paige mixed up saying yes and no and agreeing and disagreeing without really listening and then made an excuse to hang up. She went back upstairs to her room. She rummaged through her desk. Paige had never kept a journal because it seemed like something depressed people did, people she wouldn't converse with. But now she needed someone or something to talk to.  
"I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone, not my mother, not my friends. I'm all alone. I brought this on myself. I was begging for it. I dressed like a slut. I let him get me a drink. I drank some of it. I told him I wanted to go somewhere private in front of everyone. It's my fault. All my fault." She wrote before she broke down in more tears. Then the phone rang again.  
"Hey, Paige! It's Terri." ' "Oh, Hi. What's up?"  
"Well, I just found out about this awesome contest. It's a songwriting contest and the winner gets to go to L.A. and perform for record executives! How exciting is this." Paige was even slightly excited by this.  
"I guess PMS has to have a reunion then. But I want it to be different than last year. We need to be real. We need a real message. I think I know who can help." Paige almost couldn't believe that she was going to ask this person, but she had that feeling again that anything she had thought was a big deal seemed rather small. She walked down the street to her house. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.  
"Paige, I'm really not in the mood." Ashley Kerwin went to close the door in her face, but Paige stopped her.  
"Ashley, please I have to talk to you. I mean for me to come here you know it must be important. Besides don't you think it's high time that we buried the hatchet?" Paige looked at Ashley over her sunglasses. Somehow, she felt like her old self talking to Ashley. For a moment Dean was out of her mind. Ashley laughed a little.  
"I guess it must be. What do you want?"  
"Well, there's this contest and it's for a band with the best message. I've heard your poems in English class. You have a gift." Paige was once again quite the sweet-talker. "Would you like to rejoin PMS and write us a real song? Nothing like last year." Ashley was really hesitant about this. Paige was always full of promises. It was following through that was hard for her.  
"On one condition. If I write the song, you have to stay true to it. Otherwise I walk and take my lyrics with me. Got it?"  
"No problem. So got anything in mind?" Ashley led Paige to her room to show her some of the poems she had written lately. They were all really good. "Ash, hun, these are fantastic. Which one do you think we should use?"  
"Well, actually." Ashley opened another notebook. "I just finished this one this morning. I wrote it after I finished my M.I. project. Ya know that project about some social issue. It's about rape. What do you think?"  
Poor Thing  
It happens to other people  
You say how sad  
You say poor thing  
But when its you  
Its something else  
Its everything  
You'd never believe the  
Nightmares  
You'll never know the pain you  
Caused  
You'll never see the scars you  
Left  
The things you stole  
Your starring role  
In everything lost  
You took my body and you tore  
It in half  
You took my childhood and my  
Heartbeat and my laugh  
You took everything that I  
Kept for myself  
And then you're gone...  
Paige's eyes glassed over and she looked like she was going to cry. "See how powerful it is? It's perfect."  
"No it isn't." She ran toward the door and down the stairs. 


	4. Confession and Forgiveness

A/N: You guyz rock with the reviews. Please continue.I like knowing what you think.Again you may notice a few minor similarities, but I assure you there will be twists! Oh and btw: I don't know what each character's home looks like so if you know that Ashley's room isn't upstairs or whatever just pretend it is lol. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Paige made it to the landing before Ashley caught up. "See I knew it! I knew that you would do that. What do you know about rape anyway?"  
"Way more than you ever will!" Paige yelled so loudly she was afraid someone outside would hear. Luckily, no one was home at Ashley's except for Ashley. Paige fell backwards against the wall and sat down in sobbing convulsions. Her whole body shook with so much force. Ashley walked over to sit beside her. "Ashley, I swear to God I said no. I didn't want to.I didn't." Ashley held her hand while Paige laid her head on her shoulder.  
"Shh.I didn't know. It's ok. It's ok." Ashley tried to soothe her once best friend.  
"No, it isn't. It's never going to be ok again. I can't sing that song. I just can't. It's the best thing I ever read and it would win, but I can't."  
"Don't think about the contest. It isn't important. I can write a different one, a better one, about something else. When did this happen?"  
"Friday. Nobody knows, just you."  
"What about your mom?"  
"I couldn't tell her. I can't." Ashley didn't want to push her right now. She knew Paige should tell her mom, but right now Paige just needed to get everything out.  
"Do you know who it was? I mean you have to check for STD's and pregnancy?" Paige shook her head.  
"He used a condom. Real thoughtful, huh? I knew who it was. It was.this guy from Bardell. I went to a party at his friend's house. I'm sorry. I can't say his name. It just stops in my throat you know." Ashley tried to comfort her again as she broke out into more sobs. She hugged Paige. When Paige calmed down, Ashley had another question.  
"Paige, have you seen a doctor, though? When I was looking things up about rape I found out that guys can do other things to girls. Bad things." Paige closed her eyes.  
"I went to the free clinic near the park. I gave them fake information and a doctor examined me. She said that I just needed to rest and I would be fine. My mom went out of town so I think that I'll just go home and spend the next week in bed. Ashley, it hurt so much. It still does. Plus, everywhere I look I see him. He's in my nightmares. He won't go away." Paige pressed her head against Ashley's shoulder. Ashley sat with her for more than an hour on that landing.  
"Do you want to go home? Toby might be home soon and my mom and Jeff get back from work in about an hour." Paige wiped the trail of mascara from her face and nodded. "Ok, let me just leave a note for them so they know where I am." Paige looked at Ashley a little confused.  
"Why are you being so nice to me after what I did to you?"  
"You said it yourself. It's high time to bury the hatchet. Six years of friendship is more important than one year of not being friends." Paige smiled at Ashley as she helped her up. Ashley walked Paige back to her house. "Paige, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things. No matter what I've said before, none of it was true. You're a good person and you definitely did not deserve this."  
"Thank-you." Paige still questioned whether or not she deserved it. "Do you want to come in and hang out for a while? I could use some company." Ashley smiled and walked in behind Paige.  
"I don't want to push the subject, but maybe you should think about talking to someone besides me. They have a support group at the rec center. I could find out when for you."  
"I don't think I'm ready for that yet, but if you get the information I'll think about it." Paige knew that if she said she would get the information herself she wouldn't. "Ashley, like I said, I'm surprised that you're being so nice to me, but I really don't want to be alone. Even though he doesn't even know where I live I'm afraid he'll come here. Do you want to sleepover? You can borrow clothes and stuff even though my clothes aren't exactly your style anymore." Ashley gave Paige a look, but then laughed.  
"Yeah, sure. Let me call my mom. She'll freak out when I say I want to sleep here." Paige laughed a little. "She said it was fine. So you want to go rent some movies? Nothing dramatic or scary, just good old romantic- comedies?" Paige looked at Ashley a little surprised. "What? That's what we always used to do."  
"I know. I just thought you weren't into any of that stuff anymore."  
  
"Paige, over that last year I've been finding out who I really am, but I didn't change my entire personality. I highlighted things that were already there. I'm still basically the same Ashley." Paige looked at Ashley again.  
"Yeah maybe I need to do some of this soul searching. Let's go to the video store." She felt like she was going to cry again so she decided the video store would be a nice diversion.  
As soon as they walked in the door, Paige and Ashley saw Terri and Hazel standing at the checkout counter. "Do you want to wait? I mean I understand if you don't want everyone to know that we're friends again."  
'No, c'mon. Let's go." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: Will Paige forget everything she said to Ashley? What will Hazel and Terri say? Will she ever tell her mom.Stay tuned! LOL!! 


	5. True Friends

A/N: Forgive any grammar/typos in this chapter it is currently 1:28, but I finished Ch. 4 an hour ago, turned the computer off and then wanted to keep going. Keep the reviews up!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Hey, Paige! Ashley?"  
"Hi, Ter, Hazel." Hazel grabbed Paige and pulled her over to the corner. "Hazel, what's your deal?" Paige had hoped that Hazel wouldn't have said anything, but now there was no avoiding it.  
"I don't know. All of a sudden you'll barely say five words to me on the phone and you show up here with Ashley of all people. I think the real question is what is your deal? You've been so weird since the party." Paige had to hold her composure when the party was mentioned.  
"Look, I just didn't want to be so immature anymore. It was stupid to be so mean to Ashley because she made a mistake. She's sorry. I'm forgiving her." Terri called over to Hazel since she was finished checking out the movies.  
"Forgive whoever you want, but remember who your true friends are." Paige was getting so angry with Hazel and herself. She couldn't believe that this was how she sounded when she talked about Ashley.  
"I am." Hazel and Terri left and Ashley rejoined Paige.  
"Well, I must say that I thought Terri would crack before you and start talking to be first. It was a joke. Laugh." Paige half smiled. "If you want to go with them, I'll understand." Paige shook her head no.  
"No, I'm just thinking."  
"About." Ashley motioned with her eyes, but didn't say the words.  
"No, actually, I was thinking of the things Hazel just said. The way she said them. I never noticed before."  
"Never noticed what?"  
"How mean we sound. How petty we are. Why would people even like me?" Paige looked at Ashley for an answer.  
"Because you aren't really that mean especially not when you know you. I still don't think that you deserved any of what that bastard did to you, but maybe it's giving you some perspective. I mean after something like this happens to someone I don't think it is possible for anyone to go back to how they were. That's what the 'incident" did for me. Now let's get some sappy movies." Paige thought that it was nice to have this new found perspective, but would have traded it in a second for what she had lost.  
Paige and Ashley talked most of the night and fell asleep as soon as they put the movie in. Paige woke up with a start. Another nightmare. She walked down the hall to the bathroom to wash her face, to try to make it seem less real. She drenched her face with water and then looked up in the mirror. She saw his face as if her were standing behind her. "Hi, Spirit." She got a chill down her spin. She had to turn around just to be sure that he wasn't really there. Of course he wasn't, but she felt sick to her stomach. She threw-up before she could even grasp what was happening.  
"Paige, are you alright?" Ashley had woken up and come down the hall. She heard her get sick.  
"No, I just keep seeing him everywhere. I thought he was behind me. I could see him in the mirror. He's making me physically sick. What am I going to do?" Ashley hugged her. "You have to talk to someone. Not just me. Someone who could really help you. A professional. Tomorrow, we'll go to the rec center and find out when the support group meets." Paige nodded. "Let's get some sleep." They woke up first thing in the morning. Paige felt wide awake. The realization that she was going to try and get help made her feel so anxious. Ashley woke up shortly after. Ashley opted to wear the same clothes as yesterday over one of Paige's outfits. "Hey do you want to use my make-up?" Paige asked. "Oh, thanks do I look that bad." Paige went to apologize. "Paige, relax. I know it was a joke. Besides, you don't have my shade of.black." They both laughed. "This is just like old times." "Yeah, but I really wish it was under different circumstances. I mean that." They walked down to the rec center. She was so afraid that someone would see her and know why she was there. "Ash, I can't go in." Ashley grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Yes you can. Your Paige Michalchuk. You can do this." Paige nodded a great number of times and then took a deep breath before ascending the stairs. Luckily, she didn't have to talk to anyone. There was a rack of fliers for all the support groups. She grabbed what she needed as fast as possible. She wanted to run out as fast as she could. "Tonight. It meets tonight." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: I promise a big surprise in the next chapter involving someone at a support group. Do you think you know?? Wanna find out? Keep reading! LOL. I'm going to attempt to write another chapter now, but its 2:06 so we'll have to see how this goes. 


	6. Cornered

A/N Get ready.it's going to get good now... Also, I read another fic where they referred to Paige's brother as Mike so I don't know his name so I'm just going with Mike. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Paige paced on the steps of the rec center. She was too brave to turn back, but she was too scared to go in. Ashley told her that their probably would be a lot of girls her age at the meeting seeing that teens have high statistical numbers where rape is concerned yet Paige hadn't seen any teens walk in. "Get a grip, Michalchuk! Just go in! It can't be worse than being alone." She verbally berated herself before taking a deep breath and going in. She was greeted by a nice woman who looked like she was a little older than Paige's mom.  
"Hi, can I help you?"  
"I'm here for the support group. Am I in the right place?" The woman nodded.  
"Yeah, c'mon in. We'll get started in a few minutes." Paige took a seat by herself. There were no other teenagers there. She felt so alone. Then another woman came over to her. She looked like she was about thirty.  
"Hey, I'm Jena."  
"Hi, I'm Paige."  
"Can I tell you something?" Paige nodded. "I know that I don't know anything about you, but you're really brave to be here."  
"Why me? I mean you've all been through the same thing." A couple other women were looking on and before Jena answered her the whole group was gathered around.  
"Yeah, we have and I was about your age when it happened. It took me until last year to get help. I wasn't brave enough to come forward sooner." Paige couldn't believe it. " So do you mind if I ask you some questions about your case." Paige shrugged. "When did it happen?" Paige felt tears stinging her eyes.  
"Friday. I was at a party. I dressed like a total slut and I was drinking and and." She broke off in tears. "And I told him that I wanted to go somewhere private. But when I got there I didn't want to, but I asked for it right." Someone handed her a kleenex.  
"No, you said no when it mattered."  
"Who knows?"  
"No one. You and my friend, Ashley. I keep wanting to tell my mom, but I can't. I don't want her to know that I'm a damaged slut."  
"You're not either of those things."  
"I just I can't believe that yet. I don't know what to do. I just want to go back and not go to that party. I didn't want it to be like that. I will never get it back ever." The other women comforted Paige. Then others shared their stories. No story was exactly the same and in a way it made her feel worse. She hadn't had it as bad as some. They were being so nice to her when she had asked for it.  
Paige walked out of the meeting feeling a little better. She liked to be able to tell other people what happened. She knew that eventually she would have to get counseling, but right now support was enough to get her through the night. Suddenly she jumped when someone grabbed her arm on the step.  
"Get off me!"  
"Paige, it's me, Marco." She let out a deep breath.  
"Sorry." Then she got worried again. Now she would have to tell him why she was here, but why was he there? "What are you doing here?"  
"I could ask you the same question."  
"Fair enough." She really didn't want to tell him.  
"Actually, I was here for a meeting. My support group meets tonight." Marco couldn't believe that he was telling her this, but he knew that the other group that met this night at this time was for rape victims. Paige looked at him.  
"But the other group his for homosexuals." Marco looked at her with slight embarrassment. "Marco, are you."  
"Gay." He nodded. "Only Ellie knows and now you. I just started coming. Paige, were you raped." Paige nodded and tears began to flow.  
"I am so sick of crying about it, but I can't stop." Marco put his arm around her.  
"I can't pretend to know what it's like to go through what you are, but I'm here if you need someone to talk to."  
"Thanks. Ya know, my brother, Mike, is gay. If you need someone to talk to you can talk to me too. I mean I know what I found out from him when he came out. Or if you want you could talk to him."  
  
"I didn't know. Thanks. So this is weird considering that we hardly ever speak to each other. I mean, though, whatever you need. I know what it's like to have a secret." (A/N: Yes I know he was in the room once when Paige said her brother was gay, but I wanted him not to know. I don't even know if there will be a reason for that it was just gut instinct.) Marco hugged Paige and held her for a minute.  
"Real nice, Marco. Moving in on Paige, screwing over one of your best friends, and Ellie, your girlfriend."  
"Spinner." They both said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: Hmm.well isn't this interesting. Marco and Paige bond, but at what cost. Will they tell the truth about what they were talking about and where they were? Only time will tell...Now it's 2:34 am I need to go to bed. 


	7. Trying To Explain

A/N: All of you guyz rock with the wonderful reviews! Hey, be sure to check out my other stuff (sorry shameless plug hehehe.) Well, on with the fic.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Paige, I guess your grandma's feeling better, huh?" Spinner turned to walk away, but Paige walked after him.  
"Spin, it isn't what you think! I'm not like that." Spinner gave her a dirty look. He was very, very hurt. He thought that he was really falling for Paige.  
"No, but then again you always did like attention. Anything to get what you want." Paige was so angry by now and she had been angry for so long that she just couldn't hold it in.  
"Spinner, don't even pretend to know me. I am not a."  
"Slut? Keep telling yourself that." Paige swung her arm around and smacked him hard across the jaw. Spinner didn't mean it and the moment that the words had escaped his lips he regretted saying them. The sting of her hand hitting his face only heightened the pain he was feeling. (A/N I love Spin, I am not trying to make him look bad. I swear.). Spinner just shook his head and walked away heartbroken.  
"Marco, why is all of this happening? He's going to tell everyone including Ellie. She already hates me."  
"I told you that Ellie knows about me and who I am. She won't care and she'll know that I was only helping a friend. It isn't fair that this is happening to you. Spinner's hurting too. Maybe you should tell him."  
"I can't he'll only think that I'm more of a slut." Marco hugged Paige. They had never been close before, but he felt so bad for her and more so he related to how she felt. They both felt like they couldn't be accepted. Marco wanted to help. He tried to gather his courage to do what had to be done. "Paige," He pushed her away slightly so that he could look into her eyes while he spoke. "I'll take care of it. It's time." He hugged Paige one more time and then followed in the direction Spinner had gone.  
Marco thought that Spinner was going to go home only he didn't. He went to Jimmy's house. "Spinner? Will you please talk to me? You couldn't possibly understand. I don't feel that way about Paige or Ellie and they both know that. I swear I wouldn't do that to you!" Jimmy opened the door when he heard all of the noise. Marco looked up and saw that not only was Jimmy standing there, but Craig and Sean (A/N: I think that is how Sean spells it.fingers crossed that no one flames me for all my small mistakes.) were standing beside him.  
"What's going on? Marco, Spinner? Why are you fighting?" Marco's head was spinning to much from his personal torment that he couldn't tell who said what. He was so tired and now it seemed like the best time. If he was going to lose his friends, it would be over the truth.  
"Look, Paige was just helping me."  
"Yeah, helping."  
  
"Yeah, helping. She found something out about me. Something that only Ellie knew before tonight. And it will make all the difference to you. I swear."'  
"What are you talking about?" Spinner was unsure what Marco could possibly be talking about.  
"I don't think about Paige that way, understand?"  
"What she isn't beautiful enough, isn't sweet enough? She's perfect." Spinner wasn't good with the art of subtlety.  
"I don't like Ellie that way either. Spin, I'm.I'm." Marco couldn't say it now. The word stuck in his throat. Then he heard Jimmy laughing.  
"Wow. I wouldn't go to this much trouble for hitting on Spinner's potential girlfriend." Marco looked at him confused. "For a second I thought that you were going to say that you were gay." Marco closed his eyes for a moment and almost lowered his head.  
"And if I am?" Marco didn't wait for an answer. He turned his back to his friends. On top of everything he didn't want to perpetuate stereotypes by breaking down in tears. He walked away, but made very sure that he didn't run.  
When he got home he dialed Ellie's number quickly. He didn't even look at the clock to see how late it was. "Ell? I did something tonight. I told them."  
"Marco? Who did you tell what?"  
"I told Paige, Spinner, Jimmy, Craig and Sean that I'm well that I'm me." He laughed to himself. "And even if none of them will speak to me again, it feels so good to know that they know. Now we don't have to pretend anymore."  
"Yeah."Ellie was a little disheartened. She didn't like that he didn't care about her in that way, but at least before she had had the pretense that he loved her.  
"Are you ok?"  
"Yeah, sorry. So are you officially out? Are you going to tell your parents?'  
"Not yet, but maybe sooner rather than later." Marco hung up and laid back on the bed. Now he just hoped that he would still have his friends in the morning. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (A/N: Alright, so this was a Marco heavy chapter without much Paige. She is and will remain the main player, but this is an important aspect to the story I hope to tell as this progresses. I mean acceptance will be key soon. Will are favorite characters meet the challenge or do things have to get worse before they get better. Review! Review! Review! Hehe. Luv ya, Lindsay!!) 


	8. Skipping School

A/N: Awesome.Oh so many reviews! Now I want to apologize because I was trying to keep this story updated, but first my mom went in the hospital and had some "complications," and then and now the website keeps coming up as not responding. So I promise you will get this chapter ASAP! Hugs, Lindsay. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The week of spring vacation (A/N: Let's just say it was spring whether it was or wasn't.) went by way too fast for Paige. She was about to be stuck into an environment that she couldn't really control. Before, she could just walk away from people, leave when she wanted to, but now she would be in school and that would mean that Paige couldn't just leave. Getting caught for skipping classes would only make people suspicious that something was going on. Paige could not conceivably risk being found out. She hadn't spoken to very many people, friends or otherwise, except for Ashley.  
Paige took one last deep breath before entering Degrassi Community School. Within two feet of entering the door, Paige felt as though every eye was on her. There were no more friendly faces. Skipping classes suddenly didn't seem like such a bad idea. She walked straight to the girls washroom and locked herself in the stall. She was suffocating as though she were bleeding to death, but couldn't die. She remembered a story someone had told at the support group about a woman who was raped and beaten so badly that she had died. Paige couldn't chase the idea out of her head that that girl had been the lucky one. She didn't have to live like this. For the first time ever, Paige was honestly contemplating suicide.  
She heard the bell ring, but stayed where she was. She had media immersion, but she knew that she couldn't bear to walk into the classroom with everyone else let alone late. Besides she hadn't done the only assignment she had been given over vacation. One of Mr. Simpson's rants seemed inevitable if she went to class and Paige knew that she wouldn't be able to use her usual charm to overcome him. She stealthily opened the washroom door and made her way down the hallway toward the back exit. No one would be there now and she could get out. She turned the corner without looking and crashed right into someone.  
"Sorry, I'm sorry." She said avoiding eye contact and trying to get away quickly.  
"Paige it's just me." It was Marco. She sighed in relief. "Leaving too?"  
"Yeah. Why what happened to you?"  
"I told the guys what I told you. They're avoiding me and I sit next to at least one of them in every class. I don't feel like dealing with it today."  
"My suggestion is we leave through the back door and no one will know." Marco followed Paige out the back and walked with her home. She also went in the back door so that none of the neighbors would see her and ask her mom if anything was wrong when she got back. Paige mounted the stairs slowly. She had left her journal open on her desk and knew that this would immediately be added to it. Her door was opened and she knew she had closed it. What if Dean was in there? She pushed the door. It wasn't Dean. It was her mother crying on her bed holding her journal.  
"Mom, what are you doing in here?" Paige felt tears welling in her eyes.  
"I was in Montreal and it turns out I was staying in the same hotel as Mr. and Mrs. Aden who were there on business too. We happened to meet in the lobby and started talking and .and I brought up the party. I said that I wondered if Hazel had been punished for missing curfew. I also thanked them for letting you sleep over. They told me that that never happened. I couldn't believe it. I mean my daughter, she doesn't lie to me. Then I thought about how you were acting. I feared the worst. I thought that maybe you got involved with drugs or something and that was why you looked so tired and heartbroken and quiet. Things you never are. I came home right after and I came up here to look. See if I could find anything. Then I find this." She pushed the garbage bag toward Paige. The dress. Her mom had found the outfit.  
"I was sure I would open it to find drugs, but no, no. I found your outfit. The outfit you wanted so bad was torn and bloody. I looked on everywhere for more answers and I found this on your desk. 'I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone, not my mother, not my friends. I'm all alone. I brought this on myself. I was begging for it. I dressed like a slut. I let him get me a drink. I drank some of it. I told him I wanted to go somewhere private in front of everyone. It's my fault. All my fault.'  
"Mommy, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I was just so scared. I didn't know what to do. Don't hate me for this. I know it was my fault. I was so scared." She sobbed. Her mother stood up in hugged her.  
"I don't hate you. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at whoever hurt you. What was his name?"  
"Dean.I can't tell you anything else. Please." Her mother didn't ask her anymore questions just now she just held her daughter.  
Paige laid down after a few hours. She had answered a few more of her mother's questions about seeing a doctor etc. Paige was drained again. When she woke up she walked into the bathroom. She couldn't take this, any of it. She found a razor and tore the skin on her wrist. It had to end. She watched the blood drip from both wrists into the sink. She didn't want to hurt herself she wanted to kill herself. She couldn't take the look she had seen on her mother's face. She watched the crimson fluid drip ever so slowly until her vision blurred and darkness took over. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N Hmm.could this be the end? Well obviously coming clean with her mother didn't make everything better. Well check back to see if this will be Paige's fate.And Review, Review, Review!!! Cheers, Lindsay! 


	9. Near Death

A/N: So Chap 8 was good, no? LoL. Any how, I'm terrible sorry about the formatting issues with Chap 8, but I did replace the text again hoping that that would help since when I originally posted it the website was having technical problems. So I hope that doesn't happen again. Read on. ( and Review.hint, hint.) Cheers, Lindsay ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Paige woke up in the hospital. She didn't remember passing out or her mother finding her. Both of her wrists were wrapped in bandages and she could feel the stitches in them. They hurt and that was definitely not what she had been hoping for. She was hoping for an end to that pain. She looked out the small window on the hospital room's door and saw that her mother was talking to a doctor. Paige laid back and tried to go back to sleep not wanting to talk to anyone.  
"Paige, sweetie, are you awake?" Paige opened her eyes again. Her mother could probably tell that she was awake anyway. "I talked to the doctor and told him what happened. He's going to make an appointment for you with a counselor. It'll be one on one so you won't have to worry about other people hearing what happened. Honey, I also wanted to talk to you about one other thing." Paige rolled her eyes. She knew what was coming. "I want you to press charges. The doctor said that there are still plenty of visible signs of what he did not to mention the emotional anguish. You could beat him."  
"I don't want to beat him!" Paige screamed back at her mother. "I just want it to be over. I don't want to have to keep recounting what happened and what I did or didn't do! I'm tired of people acting like this is going to get better! You can't help me! You can't help my pain and neither will pressing charges!" Paige fell back onto the pillows behind her head. She was physically and mentally exhausted. Her mother backed off leaving her daughter to get some rest. Her mother knew she never should have let Paige go to that party.  
Paige couldn't stand the hospital room. It was too small, too confined. The only window in the room seemed to be too high for Paige to see out of. The bed next to hers was empty, but after a few hours they brought another girl in. She looked so much sicker than Paige. She was attached to all kinds of machines, but she was conscious. When the doctors left the room, Paige tried to talk to her.  
"Hi, I'm Paige." Paige tried to smile. "What's your name?"  
"Darcy. It's nice to meet you."  
"If you don't mind my asking," Paige always was the straightforward type. "What's wrong with you?"  
"I have cancer." She looked Paige straight in the eye and didn't even flinch when she said, "I'm dying. What about you?"  
"I.I." She felt guilty admitting that she had tried to take her own life when Darcy was dying without the luxury of a choice. Darcy looked at her curiously. "I tried to kill myself." Paige couldn't look her in the eye.  
"Why would you do that? I would give anything to be healthy and pretty. I would give anything for more time."  
"I was raped."  
"I don't know what that is possibly like, but do you really have no hope left. Nothing to look forward to?" Paige was silent. She went to sleep and didn't talk to Darcy anymore. When she woke up, Darcy was gone. When the nurse came in she asked her where she had gone.  
"She got worst, honey. They had to put her in the ICU." Paige fought the urge to cry. Darcy's words had struck a cord in Paige's heart. She didn't want to die, but she still couldn't live with the pain of knowing that he was out there. Dean was the one who had to pay for what he did. Maybe she should press charges. When the counselor came in that afternoon she asked her how to go about pressing charges.  
"Well, Paige, to be honest, it is very likely you won't win. You received very minor injuries at least that's what the tests show. If we had the original notes of the examination that you had the night it happened we might have a better chance. By the time that you were tested here, there was no way to tell who had done this too you. Given the fact that he used a condom makes our chances of finding proof less likely. Without that kind of proof he may very well get off."  
"So because he hurt me and I was scared, he might not get in trouble at all."  
"I'm not trying to be mean or condone what he did. I'm just telling you the truth. Do you want to go through with it?"  
"I don't know. I need to think this over. Can I get back to you later?" She nodded and then left. Paige felt even worse with the realization that she wouldn't be able to beat Dean. This caused for drastic measures. Paige had to put an end to this once and for all. Dean was going to feel all the pain that she had been feeling (and so much more). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: It appears that the end is in sight. Well big things to come. Please review (I would be really happy!). Thanx for reading. Sorry this chapter took so long. I didn't have writer's block or anything just a whole lot of stuff going on. Cheers, Lindsay!! 


	10. Trying To Cope

A/N: Once again I come bearing author's notes lol. Anyway, this chapter brings me both joy and sadness as this is..drum roll..THE LAST CHAPTER!!!!! Hence the wait. I wanted to wait till I was really in a place to write it and do with it what I wanted to. Well, big things are going to happen. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Paige was released from the hospital that same day with a plan fresh in her mind. She waited patiently for three days until her mother finally went back to work feeling that Paige was well enough to stay by herself again. Paige had tried to create a semblance of her former self to put her mother's mind at ease, but deep down she knew that going through with what she had in mind would change everything and like when she was raped there would be no going back. But she also knew that if she didn't do what she had planned there would be no going forward. There were only a few people that she needed to see first before she set this plan into action.  
First on her list was, of course, Ashley. Ashley had been one of the few that she openly talked to about this whole situation. Besides, Paige felt that she didn't deserve Ashley's friendship after all of the things that had passed between them in the past year. She took a deep breath as she mounted the front steps of Ashley's home.  
"Hi, Ash. I just wanted to see if we could talk for a minute. If it's ok?" Ashley nodded and stepped out onto the steps and sat down next to Paige.  
"So what's on your mind?"  
"Nothing really. I just wanted to thank you." Ashley laughed. "No really. Thanks for everything that you did for me since well you know. I never would have gotten through it without you."  
"So are you through it?"  
"Just about. Ask me again tomorrow." Paige hugged Ashley, but there was something Paige's cryptic message that made Ashley wonder what Paige was going to do.  
Next up, it was time to see Marco. Paige knew that he had told all of his friends about his being gay to protect her and Spinner's possible relationship. She hadn't seen him lately because she knew that he was trying to keep a low profile after his big announcement. Again, she walked up the steps to his front door a little nervous of what she was going to say.  
"Paige? What are you doing here? I mean hi."  
"Hey, it's ok. We weren't exactly close before. I don't even know if we are now, but I can't imagine doing what you did for me. I can't even begin to thank you for giving me and Spinner another chance. Please, tell me that everything's ok with you and the guys."  
"I haven't talked to any of them. I just can't. I'm afraid to face them."  
"Well, if I've learned one thing from this, it is definitely that you have to seize the day and take matters into your own hands sometime. They'll see that you're the same you. Like you and Ashley saw in me." Paige once again hugged her new found friend and headed for her final stop.  
"Hi." A silence fell after she spoke the word. The figure in the door didn't say anything. "Please, talk to me. I really need to talk to you. I have something very, very important to tell you." Spinner turned away, but she reached out for his arm. Spin grabbed her wrist only to hear Paige cry out in pain. He looked down to see the stitches on Paige's wrist.  
"What happened? What did you do?" He was so concerned. A few tears had welled up in Paige's eyes. "Come here. Shh.I'm sorry." He pressed Paige against his chest and for the first time Paige wasn't afraid to be touched. Spinner held her in his arms as she recounted her tale.  
"I didn't want to do it. I told him no. Spinner, don't hate me please. I wanted to tell you. I was just afraid of what you would think of me." Paige told him between sobs.  
"It doesn't matter. I don't think anything different of you. I love you." Paige looked up into his eyes.  
"You love me?" Spinner smiled at her and nodded. "I love you too."  
"I'm going to make Dean pay to. I promise you."  
"No, Spin. I'm taking care of it. Everything will be over soon. And then we can be together. I promise you, that." Paige kissed Spinner like she had never kissed anyone before. Then she decided that it was time. Spinner knew something was wrong though and stealthily followed her.  
Paige went back to her house first. She had to get something out of her mother's closet. She reached into the depths of the closet and retrieved a shoe box. She unwrapped the contents revealing a loaded gun. Her mother kept it in the house in case of an emergency. Paige had never held a gun and she had definitely never fired one, but then again before Dean she had never done a lot of things before Dean. (A/N: Moral of the story don't keep guns in your house!)  
She left again and went to Dean's friend's house because she didn't honestly know where Dean lived. When his friend answered the door, he looked at her obviously not recognizing her. "Could you get a message to Dean, ASAP?" He shrugged. "Well can you or can't you? It isn't a hard question."  
"Yeah, ok what?"  
"Tell him.Tell him, to meet Spirit at Degrassi train tracks in an hour." Spinner listened to the conversation from the distance and watched as she went to the train tracks. She waited for almost the full hour before Dean arrived.  
"Spirit? Spirit?" He called her in almost a whisper. Paige revealed herself from behind an abandoned train car. "Well, I was wondering when you were going to come crawling back, but the train tracks? Really I wouldn't have thought that was your style."  
"I never wanted to do anything in the first place." She turned around and took out the gun. "But you did. And you took everything from me. So now I'm going to take everything from you." She cocked the gun surprised that she even new how to do it. Dean looked scared to death. There was no doubt in his mind that Paige really would shoot him. Spinner stepped out of the shadows.  
"Paige, give me the gun. C'mon don't do this. Don't let him take all you have left, all you have ahead of you."  
  
"No, Spin, he needs to pay. There is no other way that I can make him pay. The only difference is that for him the pain will stop. But he will die with what he did to me on his conscience and he will know why he died." Paige's hand shook as she wrapped her finger around the trigger.  
"I love you. Don't do this. Please." Paige was crying again, shaking. She could barely stand. Spinner walked over slowly so that she wouldn't get scared. "C'mon, it's ok. Everything's going to be fine." She crushed herself against his chest as he took the gun.  
"Just wait, Spirit. I'm going to call the cops. You aren't going to get away with this."  
"I'm sure the public is more likely to feel bad for the girl who was raped than for the rapist. She didn't do anything to you. Besides I'm the only witness and as far as I can tell she just met you here to tell you off." Spinner glared at Dean before advancing toward him. "But what I could do to you, that's a whole different story." Dean was intimidated by Spinner's dominance in size and ran for it.  
"Paige, are you alright." Paige whipped tears from her eyes.  
  
"For the first time I think I am." She hugged Spinner. Dean didn't have the power anymore. She hadn't done another thing that she didn't want to do.  
FINIS  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: Well all good things must come to an end. Thank you all again for being such avid readers. I'm not really a Degrassi aficionado, but I may write another fic down the road. I'm thinking maybe a sequel delving in to what happens with Marco. Well thank you again and Cheers!! Lindsay. 


End file.
